Two Poems

 

CONDOMS APPLES TOMATO TOMATO

inconclusive like

im dreaming again

kitsch art on the walls

of an imagined, shored-up room

in manzanita

on adderall

under a ceiling

why bother

at weezer

karaoke

you are noticing things

like when paradise kneels

to her knees

the screensaver reminds me

of hawaii

which in turn now

reminds me

of you

 

in the virtual reality

of a coral reef

i wonder

if this is

what its like

to live

 

under the sea

as if i knew even

the contents

of a fishtank of

an egg & cheese

of yr childhood room,

yr boyhood wonderment

 

we are all imagining

different trees

 

i want to show you

the things that i notice

when my eyes are closed

as if painting

virused tulips

on your walls

 

 

AT THE REIJKSMUSEUM

looking at

a painting

of a ship battle

thinking

“this shit used to happen”

fire & water & smoke

paid seventeen euros

cant focus

probably having

an ectopic miscarriage

bleeding at the reijksmuseum

staring into

the ornate doll house

of some rich dutch child

the affluence of whom

i can’t even fathom,

cant even remember

whether or not

ive been in these rooms

 

on the wifi googling

“twelve day periods”

hoping i have a job

duolingo owl

reminding me

to study dutch

often when im

in the presence

of glory

i dont even feel it

how do i earn

the privilege to

exist in this space

in the face of

fucking masterpieces

i am a brat

 

concerned mainly

about my own levels

of nutrients

here i am

taking for granted

my ability

to come back

my american guilt:

a swinging sword

which threatens to sever

what i dont deserve

 

wow — im dramatic

moon in leo

can someone please

call me out

 

in yoga nidra,

on a monday,

i encountered

my higher self

 

i should have spanked her

& stuck clothes pins

to her eyes