CONDOMS APPLES TOMATO TOMATO
inconclusive like
im dreaming again
kitsch art on the walls
of an imagined, shored-up room
in manzanita
on adderall
under a ceiling
why bother
at weezer
karaoke
you are noticing things
like when paradise kneels
to her knees
the screensaver reminds me
of hawaii
which in turn now
reminds me
of you
in the virtual reality
of a coral reef
i wonder
if this is
what its like
to live
under the sea
as if i knew even
the contents
of a fishtank of
an egg & cheese
of yr childhood room,
yr boyhood wonderment
we are all imagining
different trees
i want to show you
the things that i notice
when my eyes are closed
as if painting
virused tulips
on your walls
AT THE REIJKSMUSEUM
looking at
a painting
of a ship battle
thinking
“this shit used to happen”
fire & water & smoke
paid seventeen euros
cant focus
probably having
an ectopic miscarriage
bleeding at the reijksmuseum
staring into
the ornate doll house
of some rich dutch child
the affluence of whom
i can’t even fathom,
cant even remember
whether or not
ive been in these rooms
on the wifi googling
“twelve day periods”
hoping i have a job
duolingo owl
reminding me
to study dutch
often when im
in the presence
of glory
i dont even feel it
how do i earn
the privilege to
exist in this space
in the face of
fucking masterpieces
i am a brat
concerned mainly
about my own levels
of nutrients
here i am
taking for granted
my ability
to come back
my american guilt:
a swinging sword
which threatens to sever
what i dont deserve
wow — im dramatic
moon in leo
can someone please
call me out
in yoga nidra,
on a monday,
i encountered
my higher self
i should have spanked her
& stuck clothes pins
to her eyes
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