Okay, so after playing this game for several nights now, (and I’m sure millions more have done it too, after it was rumored that Brad Pitt might play Mikael “Kalle Fucking” Blomkvist), here are my suggestions for the cast of the American remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. But up front three rules I followed for my choices:

  1. No obscure actors and actresses. Alright, so that’s cheating a bit, but hey, I don’t know any obscure actors or actresses, and if someone should make counter-suggestions, I’d be too lazy to go to IMDB and look them up. So, all candidates were chosen from past major TV or movie productions. Unfair? Hell, yeah.
  2. Only actresses or actors who are still alive and of the right age were chosen. For example, Carrie Ann Moss might have made a kick-ass Lisbeth Salander earlier in her career, but wouldn’t fit the role now.
  3. Since I can’t make up my mind, I made a second list (see below, way below).

So, the biggest question of course is, naturally, who’s playing Lisbeth. But I won’t say, not yet. Instead I’m starting with

Mikael Blomkvist – Brad Pitt was in the running early, and would have been a terrible miscast (think Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon played by Tom Hanks). IMDB says that Daniel Craig will play him, and he’s going to be great, but I have to vote for Sean Bean.

Zala – this Russian rogue super-spy could be played by by Al Pacino and Alan Rickman, but Gary Oldman should get the job instead.

Erica Berger – she didn’t get any exposure in the Swedish movie version, which is, as far as I’m concerned a grave mistake. Julia Roberts might be an interesting choice, as might be Naomi watts, but I’ll go with Marisa Tomei.

Dr. Peter Teleborian – the weakness of the Swedish movies is that the gangsters always look nasty, yucky, and seem to smell of old socks. It is so much more effective to have a nice guy torture your hero and heroine! Jon Hamm would make a mean Teleborian, as would Tom Cruise. And again, Alan Rickman would be fantastic, but finally, Clive Owen should play the part.

Dragan Armansky – I can see the cringes, but hey, I like Sylvester Stallone!

Nils Bjurman – to see the Swedish actor lie on the floor in his white undergarments was disturbing. George Clooney would be a better choice.

Monica Figuerola – no one better than Katee Sackhoff.

Inspector Jan Bublanski – yes, Robert Downey, Jr.

Annika Giannini (Kalle’s sister) – Parker Posey.

Well, one left, and that’s Lisbeth. That’s, of course the hardest part. IMDB rumors that Carey Mulligan got the part. I do think that she seems more vulnerable than Noomi Rapace, even though it’s hard now to imagine anyone else playing Lisbeth. If Natalie Portman wants her Monster role, she should do it. Kristen Stewart could also be a revelation. But my choice is Lady Gaga.

Okay, since I’m indecisive, I promised another, second list and here it is:

Robert Downey Jr. plays every part. How can you go wrong with that? How?

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STEFAN KIESBYE is the author of Next Door Lived A Girl. His second novel was recently published by Tropen/Klett-Cotta Verlag in Germany; the American edition, titled Your House Is on Fire, Your Children All Gone will be released by Viking/Penguin in 2012. Stefan lives in Los Angeles with his wife Sanaz and their dogs Dunkin and Nozomi.

19 responses to “The Cast for the American Remake of Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy”

  1. Simon Smithson says:

    “Robert Downey Jr. plays every part. How can you go wrong with that? How?”

    You can’t.

  2. Irene Zion says:

    Your second list is head and shoulders above the first.
    Are you planning to post every day now?

  3. This is one of my favorite games to play. Been doing it with the part of The Riddler in the next Batman, if of course Nolan uses him.

    As long as Christina Hendricks gets a random part somewhere in the movie, I’m down with either of your lists.

  4. I say Robert Downey Jr. should play all the parts!

    Wonderful post, Stefan.

  5. My friends and I just had almost this same conversation around a pool yesterday. I should have played the RD-Jr. card, and that would have solved everything!

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