Back in February, Justin Bieber was nominated for a Grammy Award in the Best New Artist category. Since North America’s youth was in the throes of “Bieber Fever,” he was the odds-on favorite, though it’s worth pointing out the publicity machine behind the curtain, which timed the release of his 3-D film, “Never Say Never,” for the same weekend as the Grammies.

But something happened on the way to Bieber’s supposed Grammy coronation—he didn’t win. Instead the award went to Esperanza Spalding, a relatively unknown jazz singer and bassist.

In the hormone-addled hearts and minds of teenagers, Bieber and his $750 haircut can do no wrong. Within hours of the Grammies, an angry mob of “Bieliebers” chose Spalding’s Wikipedia page as the target of their outrage. They changed her middle name to “Quesadilla,” and added comments such as, “She now has the 2011 Grammy for being the Best new Artist! Even though no one has ever heard of her! Yay!” One even used all caps:  “JUSTIN BIEBER DESERVED IT GO DIE IN A HOLE. WHO THE HECK ARE YOU ANYWAY?”

Before we get to the matter at hand — listing the triumphant winners of the 2010 Nobbie Awards for the Best Books of the Year — allow me a few notes.

First, although this piece carries my by-line, I didn’t write it, as such.  Rather, like some editorial Timbaland or DJ Dangermouse, I “sampled” submissions by our selection committee (who have all been sworn to absolute secrecy, on pain of either death or having to spend an entire weekend listening to an audiobook of the new Christine O’Donnell memoir).