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I’m not entirely sure how the topic came up, but for whatever reason, I recently started thinking about the last time I’d had an actual, capital-OG, Official Girlfriend (as opposed to Original Gangster)¹, and I did some increasingly disturbing calculations in my head.

OK, let’s see… The last breakup I had was about six weeks after Valentine’s Day, because we got together on Valentine’s Day, and we were together about a month and a half, so that’s February 14, add around 42 days, call it April 1…