Where There’s Fart, There’s FireBy Kimberly M. Wetherell
November 28, 2008
I have long held the contention that German is comprised of merely 50 root words, endlessly rearranged and combined to make it one of the most complicated and difficult languages known to man.
Example: The two syllable darling known in English as a “matchbook” gets expanded to the whopping five syllable “Streichholzschachteln” which literally translates to something along the lines of “box of wooden sticks that you strike”.
But if you break these impossibly long words down into their smaller components, you can easily suss out the definition based on the roots.
Here are a few examples.
Lit: A chain of casinos.
Fig: A cinema where it is permissible to scream aloud (vent your spiel) at the movie screen, much like when in your own living room. In every other cinema it is (read: should be) verboten.
Lit: Christmas Tree Jewelry
Fig: Messianic Jew-hating dicks. ‘Christbaum’… get it? No? Okay. Nevermind.
Lit: Keep clear
Fig: What Weight Watchers recommends you do after eating six French fries.
\ay-SCHTEK-ish-uh SHEER-ur-gee\ noun
Lit: Plastic surgery
Fig: A discussion on the aesthetic appearance of Javier Bardem/Anton Chirgurh’s controversial hairstyle in the film, No Country For Old Men.
Lit: Exit (for cars)
Fig: A fart that is released out into the world without fear of recognition.
Lit: Entrance (for cars)
Fig: A fart that desperately needs to be released, but due to the unfortunate circumstance of being in close company, must be held in.
Lit: Sightseeing bus
Fig: A special bus where the trend is to stand and fart openly in the company of strangers from other countries.
Lit: Fire access lane
Fig: Where there’s fart, there’s fire.