Here we are roaring up to June and it’s looking unlikely that anyone is going to ask me to give a commencement address. But just in case…

Whatever it is that you want to do, don’t do it to show them, whoever they are, because by the time you do it, they, whoever they are, your parents, your relatives, the neighbors, and anybody else who said, You’re a feather, you’ll never amount to anything, what planet are you from?, all of them are going to be sick or dead or dotty or just trying to get through the day, and nothing is going to be about you and whatever you did. If you are lucky enough to be able to do whatever it is you want to do, do it for yourself and the joy and worthiness of doing it, because even if they, whoever they are, aren’t sick or dead or dotty, they will not care a fig, you’ll hardly even have a chance to get your news in, at the very most, they will only say they aren’t surprised one bit, not one bit, didn’t they always say from the beginning that you were going to do great things, and you’re going to say, “Whaaa?” Satisfaction and respect and fulfillment and purpose and meaning are not out there. Do whatever you do, for your best self who can appreciate it more than anyone else ever could, and if you do it, you’ll have done it against all odds, so fill with pride, you hero you.

The email I’ve been waiting for didn’t come again. Darn. This is getting to be a big disappointment. I have checked both my email accounts every 10 minutes for the last two years and in all those thousands of times it hasn’t come.

You might ask what the heck am I waiting for.

I asked myself that after the first year.

To tell you the truth, I don’t know what it is. But I know what it isn’t.

It’s not a Groupon for an eyebrow threading and additional facial area special, though throwing in that additional facial area is pretty doggone tempting.

It’s not a plea for me to sign a petition, although that can make a difference in the world.

It’s not a deserving charity begging me for funds now that it’s been decimated by budget cuts.

But I know I’ll know it when I see it.

It’ll be an opportunity that is going to CHANGE MY LIFE!

Nah, not the person I never heard of who’s requesting to Friend me on Facebook.

Not the millions of dollars registered in my name in Nigeria.

And I know it won’t be the publisher accepting my manuscript, because an editor once told me, “We only email bad news. Good news, we pick up the phone. We want to hear your excitement. We want someone to be happy to hear from us.“

The email I’m waiting for is something SO INCREDIBLY SPECIAL I can’t afford to wait more than a few minutes to see if it’s arrived.

What if I missed it?

Or came upon it too late?

I’d just die.

It’s not that I’m addicted to checking my email. Everyone I know is the same way so it can’t be a problem. It’s not as if we all have a carefully conditioned Pavlovian reflex that starts us fidgeting and salivating and wondering every few minutes if we’re going to get our reward. When I say every few minutes, that’s give or take after all. Of course there are some addicts like the guy in the row in front of me at the movie theater who’s checking email on his blackberry. But personally, I don’t worry a speck about my ability to concentrate or that my brain is actually changing its configurations by constant shots of dopamine and subsequent plunges.

Ping! That could be it! Hold on just a second, I’ll be right back.

Shoot. It’s not the colonic special for $15.00.

Have I made a terrible mistake? Could it possibly come on Twitter?

Four months after their extraordinary rescue from being buried alive 69 days, the Chilean miners, Los 33, made new headlines by revealing that, during their ordeal, they contemplated suicide and cannibalism.Well, if we were buried a half mile under the earth, certain that a slow painful death was inevitable, thoughts of suicide would most likely shadow our minds too.Interestingly enough, cannibalism is the exact opposite thought, the life force exerting itself.Two choices at polar opposites: Kill yourself to end pain versus stay alive by any means.As good luck would have it, the miners weren’t forced to carry out either extreme.