Please explain what just happened.

I Googled all the past Nervous Breakdown questionnaires to see how other, wittier people answered this question.

What is your earliest memory?

It probably would be the time myself and a fellow three-year-old helped ourselves to the whiskey in her mother’s drinks cabinet. I mean, it would be if I could actually remember that. I got a head-start on wiping out neurons.


If you weren’t doing what you are doing now, what would you be doing?

Whatever I’d choose, they wouldn’t let me do it. Probably wisely.