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Christian Sex Toys

By Erika Rae

Opinion


So, I was doing a little online shopping the other day when I came upon a Christian Sex Toy site. Now, I’m as adventurous as the next Sally, so I have to admit I was curious. What could the boudoir of the believer offer to spice up my marriage? What Would Jesus Do?

The answer was quite impressive.

As a matter of fact, there didn’t appear to be a whole lot that wasn’t on the list.

For the most part, it looked like any other site that I’ve…other people who have looked at such sites have described to me. The biggest distinction I could see was that the products were minus the standard red-lipsticked O faces these companies usually use to sell their products. Also, no fake pussies. Dildos yes; pussies no.

Unless you count the “Maven,” “Head Honcho,” or the “Stimulation Sleeve.”

Mmmmm…the Stimulation Sleeve. Pure marketing genius right there.

And no hanky spanky, either…just in case you were wondering.

The “Dolfinger” and the “Jelly Rabbit” are available for $28.99 and $15.50, respectively.

Respectfully.

The owners of the site, Kevin and Joy Wilson run the site for married couples only, so be sure and have your marriage license handy, along with your credit card.

Here’s a quote from an NPR interview with the owners of the site last year:

“We pray about things before we add them to our site,” she says. “We live our lives very openly in front of Jesus, so we just kind of pray for direction about which way he would have us go, and I have to be honest with you — he’s really surprised us. … Almost our whole entire ‘special order’ page has come about from that.”

The Special Order Page – which includes the Miss Lady Flexible Knobby, Remote Control Thongs and Briefs, and Crotchless Panties (among other ‘holey’ items) is a sanctified smorgasbord of sex.

I’ve got to say, I’m impressed. I mean, it’s no secret that Christians have and enjoy sex. Also, there has long been a therapeutic use for the vibrator, as uncovered in a previous post I wrote on “The History of the Vibrator” – so the fact that a couple of Christians have created a sex toy site is not really that racy or surprising.

But I’m also…disappointed.

The name of the site is “Book22.com” – a reference to Song of Solomon, the 22nd book in the canon – but this was Jewish text long before the Christians claimed it.

Are there Bible verses from the New Testament tucked into the Strip Chocolate Game? You were unable to quote Luke 4:9 correctly. Please remove your bra.

Is one of the 52 sexual positions in the card deck on one’s knees?

Is the “missionary position” referred to with at least a wink or a hint of irony?

What differentiates this site from, say, a Jewish sex toy site? Or a Muslim site, for that matter?

I am open to your thoughts and suggestions.