>
I. Posting a Flyer
If anyone wants to talk about anything, call me (347) 469-3173.
—Jeff, one lonely guy
570-231-XXXX
So how did everyone get your number in the first place?
516-859-XXXX
Wow, I just saw your sign on a pole a couple days ago.
478-213-XXXX
Flyer guy?
347-441-XXXX
Jeff, can I call you?
970-433-XXXX
Sup 🙂
646-785-XXXX
Why did you post this sign?
908-420-XXXX
Im lonely too.
361-688-XXXX
Jeff, are you real?
843-330-XXXX
What’s your gamer tag?
Rodrigo
I definitely feel disconnected. Too virtual.
980-328-XXXX
Jeff, you intrigue me. I hope I can talk to you more in depth.
270-604-XXXX
Whose number is this?
347-638-XXXX
Wow, this is a real number.
Lydia
No we haven’t met. I saw your flyer and it would be cool to get to know you. How are you?
910-818-XXXX 4
Talk to me. . . . Suckish and lonely. Wbu?
908-420-XXXX
Standing out in the cold 🙁 . . . Talk to me.
605-321-XXXX
Jeffy poo
Lucinda
Hey, Jeff, I saw your number on a phone pole and decided to text you.
646-734-XXXX
Keep me company.
Brittany (210-323-XXXX)
Hello Lonely Man. One question—whatever possessed you to post your number up for the world to see?
It’s kind of a self-portrait.
917-886-XXXX
I dnt need to tlk i was calling cause i saw ur poster whats the deal with that? . . . Dude i don’t know u and my friend tld me to call u as a joke. . . . Plz like im fine idk u plz stop. . . . No offense but i feel weird and like yeah sorry to come off mean but plz feel better and get better.
718-530-XXXX
I hate myself, too. You know those ads that are like “Would you have a drink with you?” To be totally honest, I absolutely wouldn’t.
908-420-XXXX
I saw your ad and I just wanted to talk for awhile.
Caitlin
Was Kira the one that started all of this?
219-688-XXXX
Hey is this Jeff? I just called you to see if it was for real, but I chickened out and couldn’t talk.
646-533-XXXX
Yo, bro, u gonna leave me and my balls hangin dry? Why put up the ad if ur not gonna reply?
917-361-XXXX
She won’t ever talk to you again?
917-373-XXXX
Jeff, I saw your thingy-ma-bobber and—oh, wait, I can’t talk to you.
Erin 5
Jeff, we should be friends. That way you won’t be lonely anymore. . . . Aw well thank you. I’m here for you. Just so you know.
847-668-XXXX
Hi. I read your poster. And wondered if you’d like a new friend?
602-206-XXXX
I find your experiment inspiring! I just called you a little while ago.
646-641-XXXX
I saw your number in Chelsea. I work in the area. How are you, lonely guy?
Caitlin (409-350-XXXX)
I’m good. I’m always good.
Caitlin told me she’s bipolar, terribly depressed, and nearly committed suicide last year.
949-572-XXXX
My son introduced me to Imgur.com. It’s great to see your flyer. Jeff, what you did took courage. I like it. It showed trust of humanity. You not lonely anymore?
Mike, from Brooklyn
I found your number on 4chan. Bro, you from Brooklyn?
I told Mike I live in a boarding house in West Harlem. Trash covers the sidewalks. The awnings are rusted; the signs are torn. Old men stand on the streets all day, bullshitting. They play dominoes and cards at night. A man was shot in front of the boarding house where I live. Every block: drug dealers on all corners, check-cashing places, Chinese takeout. After one a.m., every question is, What do you need—weed, coke, heroin?
Hans
Hey, Jeff. I was figuring to see if I’d be the longest-distance person you’ve had. . . . I’m in Korea.
Melissa
Hey jeff, i called, from Japan, and you didn’t answer, way to waste my minutes ass!
912-656-XXXX
Hey. I’m in Georgia. Hey, do you know my sister, Barbara, by chance? . . . I guess it is a big city.
209-914-XXXX
Has hella people texted you?
917-520-XXXX
There are so many people in Manhattan, but it can be the loneliest place on earth. I lived in Beirut and it was a beautiful place. Less lonely than Manhattan, actually.
212-203-XXXX
Hey hottie. How’s Dallas?
970-433-XXXX
Jeff! It’s the people who just called you from Colorado! Wassup?
Marta, 50s, woman from Ecuador (917-385-XXXX)
I was walking down 5th Avenue and saw your flyer. I’m incredibly lonely, too. I’m the “lonely woman.” No family, friends. I live in a tiny room of a shared apartment in Queens. You want to go for a walk next weekend?
I said yes.
713-478-XXXX
Are you the guy from New York?
Miguel, Miami
Love your poster. Mind if I try it in Miami? . . . Thanks, Jeff. . . . Come on down. I’ll hook you up with clubs and chicks.
Sanitation worker (917-359-XXXX)
Jeff, is it you who’s been posting those flyers? We can fine you.
American man in Saudi Arabia
I saw it because somebody posted your flyer on my Facebook page. . . . No, it’s cool. . . . You can be lonely in the desert or at Times Square.
Loralei, San Diego
Saw your flyer. I’ve been in San Diego for the last thirty years and I just wanted to talk to a New Yorker who’s doing something bold. Let’s get together.
Kerry (011-614-XXXX-XXXX), Sydney, Australia
Hey Jeff—are you still lonely? Or cursing the day you posted that flyer? Sadly, loneliness is a terrible side effect of a connected virtual world.
310-662-XXXX
You rule reddit, Jeff.
347-364-XXXX
Wass rong with you? Y u got problems??
I’m a self-saboteur. Growing up, I was told over and over I’d never amount to anything; when I actually get some success, I can’t deal with it. I don’t think I deserve it, so I destroy it. I know that’s what happened with my stand-up comedy career. I was one of the best storytelling stand-ups in New York. I did really well on NBC’s Last Comic Standing. Then it was gone. I’m ashamed to even show up now to stand-up gigs.
806-223-XXXX 7
Sounds fun. Better than Arkansas.
787-518-XXXX
I’m pretty sure you’ll find someone thanks to the sign.
A woman saw me putting up a sign on the street and called me that night. She sends me dozens of texts every day. Has a grad degree in social work. Says she’s a virgin at 26. She’s not bad looking. Says she “jerks off a lot,” though. She’s only kissed guys, and not for three years. Last guy she was with was from Germany and he went back. Her texts are all about love. When I met her on the street, she had a strange, smiling look in her eyes. My intuition says to stay away. When I first met Kira, my intuition said the same thing.
_____________________
Jeff Ragsdale has worked as a stand-up comedian, actor, and home builder. He lives in New York City.
Leave a Reply